That's when you crack a 10am beer
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
