The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
