Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
