I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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