did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
