you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
