obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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