i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
