I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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