I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize