The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
