Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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