girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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