Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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