shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
