I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Let's get the cat blown out
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
