dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
