I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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