you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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