i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
