ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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