there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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