please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
