Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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