I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
