i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
