I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Plan B is the new Plan A
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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