I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
