I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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