I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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