your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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