low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
