Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
