We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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