he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
