he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
