shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
