you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
someone owes me an orgasm
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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