I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize