careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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