i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
