i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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