i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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