I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
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