My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
