He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
