it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I FOUND THE LEGS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
