Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
