piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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