I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
