New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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