"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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