I faked an abortion last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
