I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
are you so shy because you have an std?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
