You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
