Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
