You just made me feel so damn special
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
