and she was petting her beer can
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
