Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
