low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
