girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
