nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.