so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough