I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she told me i tasted like america
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Found your dick twin last night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is