shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.