I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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