I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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