just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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