My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
