Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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