last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This baby is an asshole
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
