East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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