you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
