I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
