dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
