btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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